Thursday, April 14, 2005
crap i dont even know how to put what i feel into words. this is my passion, what i love so much, and yet it seemed like it was all taken away from me. I really feel bitter about watching my dream being played out by others and i dont really understand y God gave me such feelings if He wasnt gonna make anything come out of it. I dont understand but i believe that He's doing whatever's best for me, but please, fuel me in the stuff that You want me to do. I hate my heart's desires.And i know that i shldnt be feeling this way. My brain tells me what i should do but i cant help feeling sad when i should be happy.
And at the end of it, Im really exhausted. and hurt. Im really afraid one day im just gonna burst into tears in front of everybody. Lord I need Your help. If it's Your will, take it away from me. I want what You want me to do.