Image: my dad, ohman's birthday Editing - pinkaholic :D
Basecodes: manikka sunsetsilhouette

everything's going damn wrong. i need to talk to God and ask him bout a lot of shit.

java practical is boring. just like any other practicals but i like the java teacher so i shall try. =) read a walk to remember on the way to school today. i cldnt remember like half the book cos i skimmmed it in parts while i was bored, sleepy and flu-ish. yeap im not becoming stupid. =p oh u noe when ure sick you'll get muscle cramps rite? i just yawned and my jaw cramped lah. must be mao's fault

im bored. and tired. my eyes are watery and puffy. the result of not being able to sleep well for the past 3 days. i think i slept 8 hours these 3 days added together. arrgh everytime i start typing i forget what i wanted to blog about. there's too much to say anyway. hmm. maybe i shld just recollect my thoughts first.

but all i can think about now is roy carroll's stupid error that cost manchester united the match. stupid guy.

oh and rui en too. and the 9 oclock show. honestly it's not bad but everything's too coincidental making it a little bit dumb for me. but hey who cares ive got rui eye candy en whee. yar but u see every one's so connected to one another that sometimes i forget stuff. and i attribute it to my lack of sleep rather than brain cells. yes im starting to think positive now.

for example these 2 characters meet again some where else. and i go like " why is she staring at him " and then she says something like " eh that's the gay!! " and i think OH CRAP I FORGOT SHE SAW HIM BEFORE IN THE OFFICE.

talk bout being neo.

ohkay enough about the 9 oclock show and my stupidity. im sure you dont wanna read my whine bout how stupid ive become rite. lemme say this again. i hate poly man. the people there really stink. i was reading through some blogs and it confirms my suspicion that people like this exist all over the level instead of only in my class. well, that's not a bad thing isnt it? my class aint THAT bad after all! cos every one's almost the same. =p so right. after getting out of secondary school, you go into tertiary education. is JC considered as tertiary? i dont think so, at least where the bus fares are concerned but yeah im talking bout JC/poly/ite/Mi whatever. ohkay so you step out of secondary school and you go into one of the above, thinking that everything's really cool and good and secondary schoolish. unfortunately that's not the way it works and people really start seeing how the world works during this phase of their life. The cruel, selfish, idiotic world of the devil where pple only think for themselves and try to either 1) exploit you 2) harm you 3) prevent you from doing well. yea cos you see. for stupid evil pple, if they cant do well they dont want others to do well too. but im digressing. so yea i end up somewhere where like more than 3/4 of the pple are like that. im not saying all are. but it's enough. even my frens are encouraging me like "hey shawn, go do this and that and blah and everything will be at ur advantage." "hey u think is blah blah blah ah. actually they wanna blah blah blah you." and im like what the heck. screw off. of course i dont say it to them cos they have my interests at heart. but it's really super sad that the world's like that. and even sadder that ive changed to a person who's more manipulative, withdrawn, and above all, i start to look at all the worse traits and evil things the person can do to me. instead of focusing on my frens. the focus is now on ME!!!

talking bout looking at pple's evil traits i remember josh once remarking that "hawn you're damn stupid you dunno how to see through people." heck i dont wanna see through pple. it makes me sick. and pple who need seeing through are just scary man.

so right continuing. it's ohkay if im in such an environtment and nothing changes. i get backstabbed for free and i still smile and say hey no problem, even though i hardly know you. uh huh. but im human and obviously i change to suit my surroundings. which sucks by the way. both the changing part and the surroundings. so now from Shawn the good fren who sacrifices his own needs/desires for his friends he becomes Shawn the guy who only thinks for himself in all aspects of his life and looks out only for himself cos in those screwed up surroundings. pple actually try to harm one another man!! im already kinda good by doing nothing.

but what bout my other frens? neubroknights. church pple. arise pple.

they suffer a change in my character cos of stupid poly. well done man. i mean i screwed up my o levels up and so many things get screwed up together with it. honestly im not depressed or anything. ohkay maybe a little bit sad by the way works and all but im more like kinda pissed off now. cos i actually allowed myself to sink to that level and then pple who i really care about are the ones who suffer.

so what to do? To me the only solution is to seek God. It's super obvious now that I cant do it on my own which i shld have realised from the start. I dunno. I am supposed to be different from the rest of them by being a light and shining God's glory and rightly representing His character wherever i go. and i failed. just like all my maths tests in ac. hmm. but im determined to make this work. not by my own strength but with God's guidance because hey how am i supposed to live a life of God out without Him around? =)

blah. i just wanna be who i was. or by His grace. some one even better.


~ Josh " sorrie, i'll never talk behind your back. I insult you in your face =) " ~

ohkay im finally blogging positively! well things are looking up. Thank GOd for cell. =) maybe it's also cos of the absence of school. was watching harry potty over the weekend over hbo and i was like darn i shld be enrolled into hogwarts lah. super fun. ooo and there's hermione too =D but never mind bout that haha.

hmm haha. some variations. hahax hahaz h@h@ heex

la la la

whatever happened to our crisp and clear english siaaaaaa

tsktsk

nice. nice. im in my internet application development practical lesson now and we're supposed to work on our project which in my case is totally non existant as are my two other team members who have taken the liberty to go home and sleep. hey im not blaming them for doing something i do all the time but im super bored and there's no one to talk to or work on cos i have as much idea on what to do as how to do it so ive been surfing the net aimlessly while listening to an endless chatter of chinese words with voices as terrible as the jokes that they tell so yada yada laugh laugh laugh. im stuck in this stupid room sneezing my bum off together with a splitting headache surrounded by blardie idiots around me. so yea. and i quote constantine. "welcome to my (poly) life."

i was going through benja's blog when i realised that i can relate to some of what he's gone through just that like some stupid poly boy i dunno how to express myself. heck im just gonna tell benja how i feel next time and let him blog for me lah. anyway im damn tired now and im not really sure what im talking about so nite. oh march hols let's all go back acs i and play soccer lah. benson wants to challenge us. haha. asking for it sia.

i just realised my blog's too happy. everytime i feel real shitty bout something i just clam up and either go think some more bout it for the rest of the week until pool time after cell where i sit with ah neh and tell him all the shit or i turn to God bout it but sometimes im really too ashamed to do that because of how im blardie thinking sometimes. hey i noe there's no condemnation ohkay i just feel real dumb bout askin him to clear my nonsense all the time. what the heck is he. a rubbish dump? not like ive done anyting for him anyways. so yea. i feel happy i feel sad i dunno how to act. i dont even noe how shawn behaves anymore. i stumble on my words while thinking what's the best thing to say and i feel like a fool. i wonder if any of my intelligent frens feel that way. maybe they realise "hey whatever i say sounds real good and intelligent all the time anyway so pple like me." =) hey im real happie for you guys anyway. so maybe that's the only silver lining. HEY MY FRENS ARE HAPPY SO I SHOULD BE TOO YAY. anyway i have a splitting headache and ive got nyp tmr so bye.

i dunno what to blog about. hahaha ohkay this is my first proper entry on my new blogskin. saying HI doesnt count. anyways ive got too much to blog about so im not sure where to start. oo ohkay let's start with my wonderful term break which happens to be chinese new year week.

So rite. i was working my fats off =p during cny eve. cos me and mummylim had to clean the house up before our relatives came the next day. then on the first day we went visiting and i had to wear that super ugly checkered red shirt that mummy lim bought for me. but it's ohkay lah. i mean it's only my relatives who're gonna see what im wearing. yea so i went there. sat around and ate lah obviously. ahhahah oh then these 2 tall teenages which are the sons of my uncle's fren came and my uncle said "wah shawn, look at them. no fight man.." and i said "yeap i agree.no fight man. i look so much better." ahhahahahaha so sad :D. anyways after that went home and prepared the ingredients for dinner because 2 families had to be extra and come on the first day instead of coming on the 3rd day like every one else.

2nd day. we woke up late and when to my uncle's house late. we then went to another uncle's house with that uncle. and i was super bored in the car. so i called ah neh to call me back :D heh and he was whining. "my relatives suck lah. they just ask me a few standard questions every year like have u grown taller, have u grown fatter haveyou grown blacker. then they heck care you and just go and gamble. i mean it's ohkay to gamble. but screw them they gave me $4 for ang pao onl lah" hahahahah so anyways i think i was being quite rude cos i was talking to him all the way to dinner and after dinner i kept msgging so i din mix around much with my relatives.

3rd day was the most screwed up of all. i had to wake up at 7 to go marketing cos mummylim ran out of food. then after that had to go to another uncle's place, come back and prepare food and then entertain all the guests again. haha my nieces are really super cute. one of them can walk at the age of 11 months already and the other's 13 months but she can crawl real fast. i guess she's just slow and learning new things. anyway enough bout that. yea so in the end i cleaned up everything and all that before settling into my comfy compy chair.

and after all that. i got a measly $48. i think even waiters earn much more a day lah. shutup josh.

please lah. ah neh's an ah neh and he got $88.

very the chinese new year lor. chinese got less ang pao money than an ah neh. and i bet i got more ang paos than him lah it's just that they are frugal and the money inside is super little =p

well, i havent gotten my mum's ang pao yet cos i havent wished her. i mean she said ang pao money can only be counted/used after 15 days what. All 15 days are supposed to be chinese new year. i cant cut my hair cos of that too. so i thought, wish her on the first day for what. when i need money then i wish her lah. after all there's no big diff.

Yeap so anyway the $48 are gone.

Gone with the wind. to Constantine.

WHICH IS A SUPER DUPER GOODIE NICE COOL SHOW. so please go and watch it. ah neh's watched it twice. so has benson. im definitely gonna watch it again. and im gonna get the dvd and im gonna download it off the net. yeap. hahhahaha fatty yong was like " WATCH THIS FOR CELL LAH! " ahhahahahaha.

hi

im gonna get a new blog after chinese new year. meanwhile im too lazy to blog bout all the nonsense in my life now. but chinese new year sux man. it's just here for me to collect money =D